To many, our culture seems to cultivate an entitlement mindset. In the name of equality and fairness, children often receive awards simply for showing up rather than for real accomplishment. As a result, many children grow confused when adults fail to distinguish between equality and fairness. Over time, this confusion can lead to the belief that whatever someone else has earned, they are entitled to as well, regardless of effort or consequence. So how do we overcome this?
The intentions that led to creating this mindset were likely good, but those intentions seem to have backfired and may have contributed greatly to entitlement thinking.
A significant part of the problem comes from believing that fairness and equality are synonymous. They are not. That which is equal is often not fair, and that which is fair is often not equal. For example, imagine if everyone were given the same diet regardless of size, health, or physical needs. That would be equal, but certainly not fair. However, if each person ate according to their needs, that would be fair, but not equal.
This confusion is often reinforced in schools, sports, and even well-meaning activities designed to protect feelings rather than build character.
So, what about the home? What mechanisms within our families can unintentionally foster entitlement? Allowances are one such example. Many parents want to teach money management by giving allowances, sometimes tying them to chores as if children were employees. But children are not adults, and they are not employees. They are in training.
When work is tied solely to pay, children may work only when the incentive feels worthwhile. If the pay isn’t “enough,” they may refuse. Chore wars often follow. In other homes, allowances are given with no work attached, unintentionally sending the message that others owe you something regardless of effort. In many cases, the lesson learned is simply “get and spend.” That does not develop a healthy relationship with money or work.
So, what is the remedy? How do we help our children avoid an entitlement mindset?
The remedy for entitlement thinking is cultivating a serving-heart. “Ask not what your family can do for you, but what you can do for your family, your community, and your country.” A serving-heart is forged in the home. It shifts a child’s focus from self to others, and it is a vital part of a true education
Christmas is a wonderful time to begin cultivating this serving-heart.
Here are 9+ Ways to Cultivate a Serving-Heart through Christmas Traditions
1. Secret Service
While many families place the Elf on the Shelf, we focused on filling the manger. Rather than motivating behavior through surveillance, we encouraged anonymous service. Each act of secret service earned a piece of straw placed in the manger. The note left read: “Merry Christmas, you have been served!” On Christmas Eve, the baby Jesus was placed in the filled manger.
2. Christmas Classics Read Aloud
Shared reading helps focus hearts on service. Consider reading some of our favorites, such as: A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens, Christmas Day in the Morning by Pearl S. Buck, and The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey by Susan Wojciechowski. Many of the stories in our "A Classic Christmas Devotional Anthology" also emphasize service, such as the excerpt from Little Women by Louisa May Alcott or The Elves and the Shoemaker by Hans Christian Andersen.
3. Christmas Childcare & Santa's Workshop
We invited neighborhood children for gingerbread houses or gift-making while freeing parents to shop or wrap. It became joyful service for both the caregivers and the children creating gifts.
4. Serve a Neighbor Family
My mother-in-law, a single mother of four, always found a family to bless, even during lean years. We’ve continued that tradition. Food boxes, handmade gifts, shoveling snow, babysitting; service takes many forms. While some years have been very lean, we have found someone we could bless. If you can set aside funds to put together a food box that is wonderful. If funds are tight, the family could fast or do a simple supper a few nights and take the money saved and fill a box with food for someone struggling. Hand made gifts or goodies are nice, too! Serving a neighbor could also include shoveling snow, taking in dinner, or watching children for a family that needs it. Look for ways to serve and discuss with the family how you can lighten someone's burden.
5. Homemade Christmas
In my childhood home, a lot of Christmas gifts were sewn by mom, yes, homemade. In my own home, I helped children make gifts for each other, from the time they were about three. Making gifts shifts the focus from, "What will I get?" to "What can I give." The children would observe each other's needs and likes. They would try to fill a need or something they thought their sibling would enjoy. A side note is that this developed their creativity and their "can do" skills!
6. Caroling & Gift
We made Christmas ornaments. One year it was beeswax ornaments. Another year was stained glass ornaments. Another year we sandblasted ornaments. We went caroling and took homemade ornaments in lieu of treats. This is fewer calories and ornaments last longer.
7. Cheer Shut-ins
In years past we cheered shut-ins, visited hospitals, care centers, and rehab centers. We sang, told stories, and brought gift bags. along with some Christmas Cheer. What can you do if care centers are locked down due to illnesses? Create a home videor where you read scriptures, sing carols, tell old Christmas stories, and spread some Christmas Cheer. Call the center and let them know what you are doing. Ask what else would be permitted. The Christmas presentation can be sent over the internet. No germs there! If visits are permitted, this is preferred!
8. Homeless Care
Homeless centers are always looking for ways to bring Christmas Cheer. Many lack warm hats! Even a three-year old can learn to hat loom and keep their fingers busy as you read Christmas stories and other classics. Check with the Homeless Center and Women's Shelter to see what items they might need.
9. Care Kits for the Homeless
A lot can be put in a gallon ziplock and have on hand when going out and about. These can make nice care packages to hand out to people holding up signs. Care kits can include socks, gloves, hand warmers, snacks, water, wipes, and shelter information. Even young children can help assemble these.
Bonus - Twelve Days of Christmas
We have picked a family and left 12 days of cute notes, treats, or gifts. This does not have to be expensive or big. One year we were the recipient. Each morning we would wake up and find a package by our front door. That was sneaky. We have creaky wooden steps and never heard them! Each day we recieved a beautiful white ceramic figurine that was part of a nativity set. Christmas eve it snowed. My family was sick. Everyone waited and wanted to see who was bringing the gifts. No one came. In the morning, my husband found a gift on his seat in the car. It was the Christ Child. I cannot tell you how much we all anticipated each day.
Bonus - Christmas Gift that Keeps on Giving All Year - Christmas Prayers
As Christmas cards, gifts, and visitors drop by, add their name on a slip of paper into a jar.
Throughout the year, each day at family prayer, draw a name, and pray for that person or family. Then put the paper back in the jar. It is OK if someone's name is pulled more than once. You and your family may be the only one offering a prayer for them that day. You can keep this anonymous. However, often it lifts a person's spirits to know they were prayed for that day.
You truly never know what a small act of selfless service will mean to another soul.
Serving traditions enrich Christmas. Merry Christmas! May your family find great joy in serving.
Enjoy the Journey!
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